Showing posts with label stream of consciousness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stream of consciousness. Show all posts

Thursday, 2 February 2012

A Beggar's Bowl




Berlin is a big, big fridge: Siberian temperatures, minus 17°C at night and icy east wind. 
But Yours Truly stepped outside (well: my pedometer forced me). My aim was the Castle Charlottenburger Schloss, to look at a special painting of Freddy’s father (The Horrible).
Well – I abandoned the plan, though I could already see the castle at the end of a long, long alley. But the frost was biting into my nose and fingers, and  a stilled thirst for knowledge is not worth a ruined complexion. Down these mean streets a man must go, but as a woman I sneaked into a little backstreet, where I had once passed the shop window of a goldsmith.
And there I found it: my Beggar’s Bowl.
There’s nothing like going out in style”, my late father sometimes remarked ironically when he thought I overdid something. So: I do know that this is a very posh Beggar’s Bowl.
But the intention why I bought it is pure.
First: it shall remind me that a day gives us so many presents – and I want to have and keep a grateful heart. It is so easy to overlook all the goodness a day puts into our bowl. I had a warm bed tonight. I had a wonderful breakfast this morning (really strong hot tea, an egg, porridge with real blueberries, half a grapefruit) – shelter and food, I am thankful for that.
And the bowl shall remind me of something else:
As I told you before, I am a person with a very vivid imagination. I read the complete “Pamela” (in English) with 15. I read Colette – my absolute favourite (my parents forbid me to read it – too young, they said – an excellent way to create an ardent reader).
Result: I am great in picturing to myself how an experience will be in future.
And this is not a clever way to live.
The bowl shall remind me:
Life/the Tao/God is putting the events and surprises into my bowl – and I shall take them as they come. Without rating “This is good” and “This is bad”.
Difficult for me. Very. But I try. And learn. Sometimes.
(Now comes a bit of stream of consciousness for you. “The bowl is beautiful – but these are definitely not my colours. I love pink, I have a problem with orange and lime green”, I thought. My Inner Voice talked back: “But it is beautiful! If you always walk on ways you always walk – that will become boring!”)
The Goldsmith wrapped it up. In (beautiful) orange crepe paper. (“But I..” Oh, shut up!” said my Inner Voice). And just as if to mock at me the goldsmith put a pink ribbon around it. (“Pink and Orange don’t harmon…” SHUT UP!”) 
I gave in to my Better Self (and even put that present on a lime green bench to take a photograph of it, I told you I exaggerate sometimes) 


Have you already seen the Lietzensee?” asked the goldsmith. “No.” “If you go to the left on your way back to the underground, you’ll pass it by: a little park with a pond – and a beautiful atmosphere.”
That’s good”, I thought. (I know!)
And went.
And it was a marvellous surprise!
A present in my bowl.